Too picky...really?

Ok, so I've been told several times that I'm too picky. I'm a single girl with a heart for God...seriously, how picky can I really be???

Is it asking too much to pray for a man who prays for me? Or has a heart for God, an education, a job, and DOESN'T live with his momma? Seriously, is that too much?

I refuse to settle, don't think that I should have to. Yes, if I were desperate, there are a number of guys I could call, but I'm not, so I won't.

Bottom line: I'm a busy twenty, soon to be thirty-something. I need a guy who can either throw on his running shoes and join me, or at least cheer for me as I cross the finish line, and not be a big baby when I say that I have something I have to take care of. Trust me when I say I'll be supporting him in everything he does. I'll make changes for the right guy, rearrange the schedule and not be so busy, but in the mean time, if a guy wants to find me, he'll have to remember the following:

A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man has to seek Him, to find her...

You wanna find me? Find HIM! I don't just want any guy...I want the right guy :-)

xoxo,
~d

Witnessing a Miracle...

Yesterday, I witnessed a miracle. I saw God reach down His hand and bless a ministry that I love with all my heart.

I'm not going to lie. For a moment, I wasn't sure it was going to happen; but as soon as that thought creeped into my mind, I got it out just as fast.

For the past three days, I have been at KSBJ (the greatest radio station EVER) to volunteer at Sharathon, their annual fundraising event. KSBJ is a listener supported station, which means that they don't get $$ from commercials. They don't even play commercials. They get grants from other ministries, and giving listeners such as myself (I know I sound like I'm on their payroll, but I'm not).

Anyway, they had a goal of $310,000 for their monthly operations, and $1.7 million for their special projects. In all the years I've volunteered for this station, the goals have usually been met on day 2, or very early on day 3. This year was different though. The monthly goal was met early on Day 3, but the special projects was still OVER a million $$ away...
Talk about scary!

I, along with the rest of the volunteers and staff, cautiously watched the numbers go up, but we were nervous. Yes, we kept saying that this was God sized goal, and that HE could take care of it, but I'm pretty sure there was a moment of doubt for everyone in that room.

It was so incredibly awesome to watch the DJs and KSBJ staff walk around and just keep working as though all was good...and it was.

But then, it happened. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. The numbers kept going up very slowly, and then, all of a sudden, they started speeding up by the thousands...people were calling in. An energetic peace came over the room, and everyone just started praying and praising God all at the same time.

And then at 10:00pm, we met our goal: 1.7 million dollars. Pledged by the giving listeners of KSBJ.

Now, I know you're wondering why the recap. There's a lesson in all of this...I promise. Just stay with me for a little bit longer :-)

I can't explain to you the feeling I had in that room. I prayed as though I had never prayed before. I had energy like I had never had before. I FELT the holy spirit come over me, and it was all I could do to just stand there and watch.

The lesson is this: There is NO job too big or too small for God. I think we were getting a little complacent in the knowledge that we ALWAYS seemed to meet our goals so early. This time, we had to work for it...we had to SHOW our faith, instead of just saying we had the faith. We had to wait for God instead of rushing the job. We had to keep believing, even though we were all very nervous.

Isn't that what life is all about? Having faith in the unseen. Believing in God's power, despite what's going on in our heads? Knowing that through Christ, ALL things are possible? Trusting in Him, loving Him, honoring Him, and being faithful to Him? Isn't that what we are called to do on a daily basis?

I don't know what's going on in your life. Maybe you're having money problems, or relationship problems, or maybe life just sucks for you. But, have faith. Whatever it is that you're doing, I'm pretty sure there's a whisper somewhere in there telling you that it's wrong, or it's not right, or you probably shouldn't be doing it...why aren't you listening? I know there are many things for me that I probably shouldn't be doing...or rather, should be doing, that I'm not. Namely, going to church. Yes, I go to Mass most Sundays, but just because I'm there, doesn't mean I'm present. And that's something I'm going to change. I have to.

What do you have to change?

I witnessed a miracle last night. It was the most amazing thing ever. I think that feeling will stay with me for a while, and I'll do everything I can to get back to where I used to be.

Wait, let me correct that last statement.

I don't want to go BACK...I want to move FORWARD. Maybe I was supposed to lose a little faith, so that I would remember what it felt like to have that want instead of just being comfortable. Maybe having my flame flicker in and out was supposed to remind me what it was like to have a raging fire? Well, my embers are being stirred, and I feel the fire finally growing again, and I'm getting to where God wants me...

I witnessed a miracle last night...and it wasn't in the auditorium of KSBJ...

It was in me :-)

Be Still and Know...

Tonight was an amazing night. As I stood/sat in KSBJ's auditorium, I saw God at work. I felt His presence, and I heard stories that took my breath away. Sharathon, for me, isn't just about giving back to a ministry that gives to me; it's also a renewal of my faith. I see people I only see once a year. I check in with them, catch up with them, pray with them, and laugh with them.

I think one of the best parts of the Sharathon is listening to all the stories...not just from the listeners, but from the volunteers too. Sharathon is FILLED with people who are in different places in their walk with Christ. Some have just started, and others have been on this journey for quite a while. Take me for example; I'm a cradle Catholic...I've gone to church all my life. I went to Sunday School, participated in youth group, taught Sunday School, went on retreats, helped organize retreats, pretty much, done it all...BUT in doing all those things...did I REALLY know God? In doing all those church things, and appearing to be filled with faith, was I really leading the life I should have been living? I would answer that question with this...yes AND no...Yes, I was leading the life I should have been leading, and still am, but No...I don't know God like I should. Yes, I pray, Yes I have faith, but I'm still not where i want or need to be.

Last night (it's Friday morning now...I went to sleep!), I sat in KSBJ's auditorium with the staff and volunteers and listend to the talented and amazing AMY GRANT, speak to us and sing to us. She flew in from Dallas to surprise us . Anyway, she sang this beautiful song that brought me to tears. There was really no reason for me to cry, but just the simplicity of the song spoke to my soul. "Be still and know"...amid the cell phones, ipods, and everything else we use to silence the storm we call life, we just need to be still and LISTEN to the whisper that is God's voice. Yes, there are times He has to raise His voice at us...isn't that what a good parent does? God isn't just this all powerful force that guides me. He's my father, my daddy God, my homeboy, my palanca, my bff...

Be still and know...that despite the feeling in my heart, maybe I'm not as bad off as I thought I was...

Be still and know...that when God's ready for something to happen, HE'll make it happen...

Be still and know...that God is ALL POWERFUL...anything can happen if it's according to HIS will...

Be still and know...that HE loves you with all HIS heart...doesn't matter what you've done or said. HE loves you and just wants you back...

Be still and know...that HIS plan may not be OUR plan...and that's ok.

Be still and know...that it's ok...whatever IT is...it will be ok. Just turn it all over to HIM.

ok, so I don't know where all that just came from, I just felt led to say it....so, there it is. Hope it helps someone. Sharathon does this to me every year...and I LOVE IT!

So...be still and LISTEN to the whisper that is God's voice...what is He trying to tell you? To show you? Be still and know...

High Maintence People

Have you ever had a "high maintence" friend...or maybe you dated someone like this. You know, someone who had to have it their way all the time...OR, someone one who had to have things just so. and if you deviated from that plan just once, they freaked out, or even someone who asks for help, you give requested help, and then they get all pissy that you helped...EVEN though they requested the help.

Ok, so it sounds like I'm talking about me, but I'm not. Work with me here...

I wonder about high maintence people. Yes, I APPEAR to be high maintence, but in reality, I'm not. I'm more of a people pleaser. If I want to do something, and majority doesn't, then I go with majority. If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it, and the only time I EXPECT to be the center of attention is on my birthday :-) Otherwise, no, it doesn't have to be all about me (although I certainly enjoy when it is )

Ok, so back to what I was saying...high maintence people...how do you deal with them? How do you deal with someone who wants things just so, and can't bend even a tiny bit? Ask me my opinion, and I'll give it. I'll be brutally honest. I'm of the thought that if you didn't want an honest answer then you shouldn't have asked me. Is that rude or mean?

I don't know...high maintence people make me crazy, and I guess from now on, I'll just keep my mouth shut, even when they request my assistance...

My Father's Child...

If you had known me when I was a little girl, you would have known in a heart beat that I'm a "Daddy's girl." If you had known me in junior high high school, you probably would have thought I didn't have a dad, and if you would have met me in college, you would have known I had a dad, but probably thought I hated him with a passion.

My dad and I haven't always had the greatest relationship. There have been A LOT of hurts. A lot of broken promises, a lot of arguments, a lot of things that I shouldn't have had to deal with growing up. But, despite all that, here I am, with the best dad on earth (yes guys, y'all are great too...but we're talking about MY daddy here...)

My dad will walk to the ends of the earth for me (and you). Mess with me, and you'll see him come UNGLUED...I know my dad loves me with all his heart. He's a hard worker, the most giving man I know, and makes the BEST grilled sandwiches, milkshakes, and BBQ ever. He'll go without so that I can have. Even now, living on my own, paying my own bills, doing my own thing, my dad still takes care of me. He's my fix it guy, my handyman :-)

Don't get me wrong...we still don't have the best relationship, but he's my dad, and I love him...despite the past hurts. I know how far he's come from what's he's dealt with in his own life.
So, to my dad...

Thank you for being the man you are. Thank you for the scrabble games, the rummy games, the checkers games. Thanks for teh first dances, the first dates, the driving lesson (yeah, we only lasted 20 minutes before WW3 ensued), using the machete on all dates, my first car, truck stops, water jug juice, homemade coconut ice cream, helping my friends out EVEN if they didn't ask for it, crabbing and fishing trips, and never making me eat the healthy stuff...
Thank you for giving me your all, even when there wasn't much there.

I love you Daddy! Happy Father's Day!

Thank You re: Just for today blog...

What a difference a day makes...and a prayer, and a good night's sleep...

I don't know who prayed what, but THANK YOU! today was a zillion times better. kids were well-behaved, i got to make phone calls that made parents smile instead of frown, and it was just an overall good day...

so, yes...THANK YOU!

just for today...

i'm not going to smile and say all is right in the world, because it's not.

why the hell do parents think it's ok to beat the shit out of their children and starve them for days? how about we treat you the same way you treat your kids and see how you like it? i swear, some people should NOT be allowed to reproduce...yes i'm ALL FOR mandatory birth control if it means that certain people won't be allowed to repopulate the world...ok, so i can't solve that problem, but still it bothers the hell out of me...

and then i have fabulous friends who put up with the stupidest shit ever, and then complain about it...i love you, but deal with your problem(s) and move on. (tomorrow i'll be back to listen and offer advice if it's wanted...today, not so much...sorry) <---that's another thing; i can't even be bitchy!

and then, i work my ass off and never seem to have the $$ to show off or do the things that i want to do. bday to vegas- cancelled...bday spa day- cancelled, bday to austin-about to be cancelled, doctorate program- yeah, gonna be cancelled too if i can't get the funding...
and we won't even talk about summer school...let's not even go there...ugh.

ok, so this is just a rant and a rave, and i'm done now...and i'll go to sleep and tomorrow it'll all be better...right?

Being Fearless...

Over the past few months, I've changed...some for the better, some for the worst. Through it all, I've continued to learn a lot about myself, what I'm capable of, what I need to change about myself, etc... Last night, I saw "Sex and the City" with some girlfriends. It was a great movie - and no- not all about sex. I saw a little bit of each character in myself': the ambition of Miranda, the old-fashionedness of Charlotte, the enthusiasm, excitement and vulerability of Carrie, and yes, even a little Samantha too

No, this blog isn't about SATC, but it is about discovering one's self, as the women in this movie do. It's about learning to be fearless in every aspect of my life. It's about taking life by the horns and just being happy to be me. To not try to change myself for anyone, and knowing that no matter what, I am who I am...take it or leave it.

So, here I am; learning to be fearless. It started with a heartbreak, learning how to reclaim myself and my heart, deciding to pursue a doctorate, and taking on the challenge of completing a triathlon, and now...who knows?!

Recently, someone told me that I needed to take my nose out of the books and get out there and meet people if I ever wanted to get married. I know this person meant well, but for whatever reason, their image of me is wrong. Yes, I am a bookworm. Yes, I love to learn, but to say that that's why I'm single is wrong. To say that no guy will ever want to be with me because I love to learn is wrong. To say that ALL I do is sit at home and have no life outside of school and work is completely wrong.

Another good friend said the other night during a conversation about the guys we've all dated..."You're the common demoninator in all these failed relationships...so it must be you. what do you need to change". I may have words slightly wrong, but this is how it came across to me...in other words, of the guys that I've dated (and only one of them has gotten serious), since none of them worked, and I'm the common factor, it must be my fault. Now, I KNOW this person cares for me, and cares enough to be brutally honest, and I thank her for that, but I had to disagree with her. No, I'm not perfect, I don't claim to be, and I never will. But with that said, despite whatever it is that the other guys didn't like about me, I will be right for one guy out there...whomever he is. And when that time comes, he'll love everything about me. He'll love me at my best AND my worst, and I will feel the same for him. In looking at the few past relationships I've been in, none of those guys were right for me for various reasons...either they had no ambition, or were psychotic, or too into themselves, or although I cared for them very much, it just wasn't right.

I guess the point I'm trying to get across is that being "fearless" isn't just "being without fear", but more about being brave to be one's self. Being bold in your choices, going after what you want, changing what needs to be changed, and embracing who and what you are. Loving yourself when no one else will or doesn't want to, and knowing that regardless of your life's circumstances, you can choose to be happy with who you are and what you have, or do something about it, if the change is necessary. As for me, yes, a few changes are needed, and I'm working on them, but they are more internal than external.

Here's to being fearless :-)