Being Fearless...

Over the past few months, I've changed...some for the better, some for the worst. Through it all, I've continued to learn a lot about myself, what I'm capable of, what I need to change about myself, etc... Last night, I saw "Sex and the City" with some girlfriends. It was a great movie - and no- not all about sex. I saw a little bit of each character in myself': the ambition of Miranda, the old-fashionedness of Charlotte, the enthusiasm, excitement and vulerability of Carrie, and yes, even a little Samantha too

No, this blog isn't about SATC, but it is about discovering one's self, as the women in this movie do. It's about learning to be fearless in every aspect of my life. It's about taking life by the horns and just being happy to be me. To not try to change myself for anyone, and knowing that no matter what, I am who I am...take it or leave it.

So, here I am; learning to be fearless. It started with a heartbreak, learning how to reclaim myself and my heart, deciding to pursue a doctorate, and taking on the challenge of completing a triathlon, and now...who knows?!

Recently, someone told me that I needed to take my nose out of the books and get out there and meet people if I ever wanted to get married. I know this person meant well, but for whatever reason, their image of me is wrong. Yes, I am a bookworm. Yes, I love to learn, but to say that that's why I'm single is wrong. To say that no guy will ever want to be with me because I love to learn is wrong. To say that ALL I do is sit at home and have no life outside of school and work is completely wrong.

Another good friend said the other night during a conversation about the guys we've all dated..."You're the common demoninator in all these failed relationships...so it must be you. what do you need to change". I may have words slightly wrong, but this is how it came across to me...in other words, of the guys that I've dated (and only one of them has gotten serious), since none of them worked, and I'm the common factor, it must be my fault. Now, I KNOW this person cares for me, and cares enough to be brutally honest, and I thank her for that, but I had to disagree with her. No, I'm not perfect, I don't claim to be, and I never will. But with that said, despite whatever it is that the other guys didn't like about me, I will be right for one guy out there...whomever he is. And when that time comes, he'll love everything about me. He'll love me at my best AND my worst, and I will feel the same for him. In looking at the few past relationships I've been in, none of those guys were right for me for various reasons...either they had no ambition, or were psychotic, or too into themselves, or although I cared for them very much, it just wasn't right.

I guess the point I'm trying to get across is that being "fearless" isn't just "being without fear", but more about being brave to be one's self. Being bold in your choices, going after what you want, changing what needs to be changed, and embracing who and what you are. Loving yourself when no one else will or doesn't want to, and knowing that regardless of your life's circumstances, you can choose to be happy with who you are and what you have, or do something about it, if the change is necessary. As for me, yes, a few changes are needed, and I'm working on them, but they are more internal than external.

Here's to being fearless :-)