The View from the Top...

You know that apple email/poem that people like to send single women? You know...the one about how we're all "top of the tree apples", but sometimes we feel like we're crap because no one (guys) don't pick us? The poem that says we don't fall of the tree for just anyone to pick us, we patiently wait at the top for the "right" guy to pick us? And it goes on to say that us "top of the tree apples" start to feel like we're not worthy, and we'll never be "picked". you know... THAT poem...you know which one I'm talking about?




And you know how when you're single, everyone wants to suggest books to you based on the following topics: "you're single, deal with it" books or "how to find a husband in 4 days" or something like that...



And then begins the advice...

WELL.

LET ME JUST TELL YOU. I'M SICK OF ADVICE.



So, here's a little something I call (drumroll please....)



The View from the Top

Thoughts from a single girl to the rest of you...



You see, I'm a top of the tree apple. I have my $**t together. I'm a woman of God, educated, I'm financially stable, I own my condo. I haven't used a credit card in years. I'm fairly easy going, and like the rest of you out there, I have my quirks. Basically, not to toot my own horn, but I have a lot going for me, and I know I'm going places. And although I'm going places, I really don't want to go it alone. Yes, I'm single and fiercely independent, but there are days a hug from that special guy, or just cuddling on the couch with him would make things all better.



HOWEVER. (yes, that deserved all caps).



People (bless their little hearts) can be hurtful without realizing. Those that love us top of the tree apples, really want what's best for us. They want us to be as blissfully (insert sarcasm here) happy and in love as they are. They think, that we can't possibly be as happy as they are unless we're married. And, maybe they're right. I don't know. I've never been married. I know how flippin happy I am most days. I know how truly and incredibly blessed I am each and every day. Throw being in love on top of that, and I just might be on cloud 9. Being in love really gets you goofy. I won't lie...I love that feeling!



Us self-confident top of the tree apples, every once in a while, have those self-doubting moments, where we feel like we're crap, and we'll never find Mr. Right. We feel like we're pond scum, and no guy will ever want us because we're too stubborn, not cute enough, our butts/noses/heads are too big, too quirky, too smart, or too independent (or maybe that's just me....).



And it seems, that when we get into these funks, you married folks seem to be drawn to it like a monkey to a banana cake. It's like you can sense it (or it is REALLY written all over our faces??). And when we get into these self-depreciating modes (sorry for the psychobabble), that's when the "advice" comes in.



"You're just to pretty for your own good"

"If you'd get your nose out of a book, you'd find Mr. Right" (personal rebuttal...I'm STUDYING!!!)

"You're too intimidating"

"He's just too stupid to realize what's in front of him" (oh, wait...that one's actually true ;-) ).



So us top of the tree apples are basically being told to ugly it up, dumb it down, and look weak. I know, I know...that's not what you're saying, but that's the way it comes across when we're in these funks. And those words, albeit meant to be helpful and funny, really do a lot more damage to our hearts and heads than you realize.



Unfortunately, you'll never know when we're in these funks, because we're masters at hiding it. We don't want you to know that altough we love being single most days, we (or maybe just I) would much rather have what you appear to have...a fabulous relationship (note, I said RELATIONSHIP and not one night stand or hook-up) in which we can share all the great things that our going on in our lives. We really do want this for ourselves one day. Today might NOT be the day for some, but for others it is. And then there are those singles who are perfectly content being single for the rest of their lives. I'm not one of them, but if that's what God wants for me, I'll deal with it.



So...bottom line married/attached folks. Love your single people. Honor them, cherish them, envy them. But stop with the advice. If you REALLY want to help them...set them up (with their permission of course) with an ELIGIBLE suitor...and by eligible, I mean not someone who just happens to be single...set them up with someone you think will be a good match for them. Actually THINK about it!



And if you're single and don't want to be anymore (and this is specifically for the guys out there)...GO AFTER YOUR GIRL! Pursue her! Call her! Flirt with her! Yes us top of the tree apples are independent, yes, we go after what we want, BUT this is ONE area in which she might not want to be in control...MAN UP men!!! Don't let her intelligence/independence (or your insecurity) get in the way!! GO AFTER IT!!! You'll know if she's into you...